Fortune Cookie Sayings

• Kids Are Our Future, Not Your Kids; Better Ones.
• You Have Been Poisoned.
• Cats Don’t Tell The Cops Where Your Drugs Are. #TheMoreYouKnow

• Common Sense Is Like Deodorant. The Assholes Who Need It Never Fucking Use It
• Switch Up Your Swears To Keep Them Potent. Tell That Piece Of Fuck To Go Shit Themselves.
• No, I Don’t Do Drugs. Why Do You Have Some?
• For Rectal Use Only.
• You Have Spinach In Your Teeth. And You Need A Fucking Mint, Babe.
• You Will Die At An Arby’s In Tallahassee. Don’t Eat Shitty Roast Beef
• Your Wildest Dreams Will Come True. Assuming You Dreamt Of Furries And Nuclear Destruction
• Gas Prices Got You Down? Buy That Pony You Always Wanted. Giddyap, Motherfucker
• If All Of Aldi Is Pretending There Isn’t A GalWalking A Leashed Guy In A Bear Suit, Play Along FFS.
• Dogs Sigh Way To Fucking Much For Not Having Jobs Or Contributing To This Downfall Of Society
• Be Proud Of Your Kids. But Not “Ruin My Fucking Car With Stupid Honor Roll Bumper Stickers” Proud
• Crypto Is Just Mary Kay For Dude Bros. It Ain’t Your Color
• The Best Pet Names Are Reginald And Anita. Don’t Wreck Them With Some Stupid Ass Name